Why am I here and not somewhere else?

Can

“Dreams are dime a dozen, it is their execution that matters!”

That one particular quote plays a very significant role in my life. I remember this being told by my mother a million times, I remember this being on one of the walls of my house and I remember this being an opening line to one of my school speeches. As a kid, I never understood what it meant, I did not even attempt at deducing what it held, so much as to have taken the first line of my speech. I was told dreams matter, dreams count and dreams are what that keeps you going. At that time, those were just a collection of sentences that went from above my head.

Today after about 10 years, during a lazy summer vacation I cannot help but think about everything I was taught and told as a kid. Today, I do not have the slightest idea about tomorrow; I do not know how I am going to handle anything that life throws at me. All I can say, is I am blindly plunging headlong into what seems like a dark cave. Amidst all the myriad thoughts I seem to be having, I began to wonder what I could have done differently, what should I have chosen otherwise and where should I have been, if not here. While those questions are excellent food for thought, I also came to a very sad realisation. I am 20 years old and I haven’t seen most of the things I dreamt to see by now. I am 20 years old and I haven’t done quite a lot of things I dreamt of doing. I am 20 years old and I haven’t met a lot of people I imagined meeting. By all this I do not mean impromptu road trips or parties for I can safely say, I do not have an ounce of regret in that area.

To the one that is reading this, close your eyes and imagine the top three important decisions that you have taken. Now imagine the consequences had you chosen the other option. To me, the mere fact that one decision can steer my life in a completely different direction scares me almost all the time. I am always wondering why I am here and not somewhere else? Do not get me wrong, this is not because I am unhappy with the life I am leading now. This is solely because I am curious to find out what it is like if I belonged to a different culture, what it is like if I belonged to a different race and what it is like if I belonged to a different gender. The nuances differ in all of these and I can’t begin to describe my anxiety in realizing if I am ever going to experience all of it. My deepest fear is not that I am inadequate; my deepest fear is that I am powerful beyond measure.

The quote that I began my article with is a one that is close to my heart. When I heard it for the first time, in a different time frame, in a different set up, with a different perspective altogether, I was under the blatant impression that dreams were the easiest thing an individual can possess. Honestly, I am under the same mind frame right now, but what changed is the extent of my dreams. At 7, a new bicycle was a dream. At 9, locking the top bolt of the bathroom door all by my self was a dream and at 13, skipping milk was a dream. Today, I dream of surviving alone in a foreign land. I dream of a bigger house. I dream of more enriching relationships and I dream of more money. I am more than excited to take on the next phase and I cannot wait to see how it is going to turn out. I am excited to see if the dreams that are taking shape in my head will ever take place in reality and I am equally petrified to find out if they are going to be and do any good.

One Response

  1. Awesome writing, mind-boggling thoughts and all sum up in one dream thats really petrifying about it.

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